In my own words...

Comming Back

2011-02-15T20:12:00.000-08:00

Obviously I have been gone too long from this blogging thing. It's been a year and a half since my last post. I have been thinking about coming back to what I know and finally decided today would be the day. I need the therapy and release that this blog brings to me. My life is in a static transition and I am hoping that writing again will help me work my way through things and document life for me. My commitment is once a week....we'll see how well I stick to that. Here goes nothing....

Cuts...

2009-08-03T10:13:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's been close to 2 months since I last wrote. The summer has been crazy...workin a lot and working on me. I am always a work in progress and at times its hard working on yourself, because you begin to realize how much you've grown away from people. I've realized that some people aren't worth my time and aren't meant to hold a place in my life and that's a tough pill to swallow...espcially when they mean something to you. Although some people still mean something their time in your life has passed, I'm now realizing that with someone I thought I'd stay close to forever. I now realize that my life is going in a direction that doesn't seem to include him. The way I once felt isn't how I feel anymore. Although I am glad for the time we've spent and what he once meant to me I know in my heart it's time for us to part ways.

It's never easy cutting people out, but sometimes it's what you have to do in order to grow.

My Ode To Summer Time in the Town (PT. 1 I'm sure)

2009-06-05T02:36:00.000-07:00

Ok judging by the fact that it's 2:38 am and I'm up, life is about to get a whole lot interesting. I'm calling this "My Ode To Summer Time in the Town", because as much as I hate Seattle at times Summer is, has been and always will be the best time of the year in the Town. Everyone is on vacation and home from school. Now that most of us are done with school, it is more than just summer, it's time for reunions and brinin the good times back. We can't stay young forever, but at least summer time in the Town lets us recount years gone by, friends past and present and relationships that once were that now either make us rant or laugh. It's about the sun bouncing off Lakes Washington and Union and the Puget Sound, as well as the beautiful and majestic Mt. Rainier. It's about "hood heros" comin back if only for short stints to let the "hood" know they haven't been forgotten. It's about forgetting the cold fall and winter months, if only for a short time to remember just how good the warm sun feels on the skin. For me though Summer Time in the Town is about reliving yesteryears and being thankful (and at times not so thankful) to have lived the life I've lived. It's only June 5 and summer has not "officially" begun, but in accordance to the texts, phone calls and pictures from the last 2 weeks...it has for me. So here's to Summer 09 in the Town...already shapping up to be better than 08 and hot damn...I'm single this year!

Budget Cuts Blow

2009-05-04T16:01:00.000-07:00

I am 5 days away from earning my degree in Sport Management and 5 days from possibly being one of the last graduationg classes with a degree in Sport Management from Washington State University. In order to fill a budget deficit the University decided they needed to cut jobs and some educational programs...one being Sport Management. I haven't decided if people think the degree/program is a joke or if they honestly felt it was the only way to go in order to save money. What threat is a program that only has 5 professors, 1 part time advisor and 1 sectretary? I guess they figured that they had shafted to program long enough by not allowing them money to hire more teachers, which in turn lead to them forcing students to apply to be certified, leading to only students with 3.0 grade point averages needing to apply and only those with 3.3's and above actually getting admitted, usually only 10-15 a semester out of 170 + applicants. It is down right frustrating, saddening, depressing and all around unfair. Does the university not understand that WSU carries the only undergraduate/graduate accredited dual programs on the West Coast, the only undergrauduate program of it's kind that brings kids from all western states and the western part of Washington?
I fought, cried and sweated to get into the Sport Management program and I'm one of the lucky ones...and at this point...TRULY lucky ones. I have friends who didn't get into the program and know some kids that with the budget cuts won't even get the chance to be denied certification, because they are not certifiying any more students for the major. I am elated to be graduating, but it is with a heavy heart that I see the program that I love so dearly, that allowed my dream come true to be eliminated. Since high school I knew that I wanted a degree in sport management, not just communications, business or management, but I wanted the degree that hung on my wall to say Sport Management and now I'm just 5 days away from seeing those 6 words on a piece of paper that are the culmination of a lot of hardwork and dedication, "Bachelor of Arts in Sport Management".
The program is no joke. Any undergraduate program that requires a 3.0 to even apply to certify, plus experience in the field in you freshman and sophomore years is no joke. Any program that only allows 10-15 students in a semester is no joke. Any program that requires you to plan an event from beginning to end and put it on with risk management plans, contingency plans, sponsorships and the whole 9...is NO JOKE!
The Sport Management program at WSU has made me a better person and shown me just how smart I really am. It has brought be some of the best college friends a girl could ask for, amazing relationships with my professors and allowed one of my many life dreams to come true. The elimination of the program is simply the massacare of all those who weren't quite lucky enough to be born sooner...budget cuts blow!

I Don't Want to Miss It...

2009-04-13T11:51:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been thinking a lot about where life will take me next. I am less than a month away from my college graduation and at a crossroad with so many important decisions to make. It is at this point that I really must look deep, because it really is time to grow up and get on with my life.
One thing I've given a great deal of thought to besides what I'm going to do with my life, is who will be there to share my life with me. I know obsessing about something so trivial isn't the right thing, but what if the obsession is one that just won't go away? What if you believe that the person you're meant to share you life with is someone God brought in? What if that person has changed your life unknowingly for the better?
I know who he is and it scares me. It scares me because he has been someone that has stood by me since the day he met me never once questioning me. He has listened to me, cried with me, laughed with me and become one of the greatest people I believe I will ever know.
It feels so right...the feeling I have about us, but I guess my mind won't let me really believe in it. More than what scares me about him is the thought of never knowing if it really is a deep as I feel it is. I guess there's only one way to find out...I gotta take that trip. I'd rather take the trip and be disappointed than not take it and spend my life wondering what if...it really could be just what I need and I'm not sure I could live with myself if I miss it.

Be the CHANGE you wish to see in the world

2009-03-16T13:57:00.000-07:00

I am a hippie, a radical, an artist and a thinker in my own way. So many people see me as mainstream and shallow, but I see myself quite differently and those closest to me know that I am so much more than what is simply perceived.
It annoys me when people talk about sports not being important. Not just because I am a lover of sports, but because sports is one of them most diverse factions of life. It pisses me off even more when people do not see how sports has changed the world and how so much is left to be changed in the sports world. I majored in sport management, because I too want to make a difference. I want to help change the face of the front office of sports. I want to show that blacks don't have to be the Forty Million dollar slaves...they can be the ones creating opportunity, opening doors and changing the way that people view blacks in relation to sports.
Let us not forget that baseball was one of the first areas to become integrated thanks to Jackie Robinson and so many others, lets not forget the powerful image of United States athletes Tommie Smith and John Carlos holding their fists in the air as they received their metals for track and field in the 1968 Summer Olympic Games in Mexico City, in a sign of protest for Civil Rights in the United States, or how through the years athletes like Muhammed Ali have used their fame to fight against social injustices and issues facing blacks and people of all races alike.
So much is left to be done though, especially in the institutionalized framework of sports. African American coaches on all levels are still fighting for recognition, especially in Division 1-A college football and black athletes at colleges and universities around the country are still being failed and lead astray. Someone must be the voice and call out the injustices in sports.
It is these injustices that still need to be worked out that have caused me to take the path in life that I have chosen in order to make a difference. I love sports and believe that so much good comes from them, but so much is left to be done. It is why I have chosen to be the change I wish to see in sports.

The Friends that Turn into Family

2009-03-09T10:37:00.000-07:00

I was blessed to be born into a wonderful family, but even more blessed for the family friends we have. Since I can remember my mom always stressed the importance of family and that there are people that may not be blood, but they too are family all the same. As I've gotten older and have began building my own life I have come to realize the importance and joy that friends that become family can be. When I met my friend Jason just over 2 years ago I never imagined he'd become one of my best friends and that his family would become some of my favorite people. It wasn't until this past Saturday that I had the chance to complete my new family, I finally got to meet the women closest to him...his mom and sister. I had met his brother on several occasions and even spent a great deal of time with him and I had the opportunity to meet his dad last year. When I met his mom and sister it was if my new family was complete. It was when his dad asked my brother and I to join their family in a celebration dinner of UW winning the Pac-10 Championship I knew I had completed a new family.
I love that I am creating my own extended family through friendships and I love and protect them just as if they were blood, nothing could make us closer. With our parting embraces and words Saturday night I knew in my heart that I would love the Pondexter's forever, just as if they were my own family!

I was made for this life

2009-03-02T14:08:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I wonder why certain people are put into certain situations. Why we encounter those that we do along life's path. Why certain things happen to people. Why people are the way they are. This weekend I had the chance to reflect on some of those questions. Granted we along with God are the controllers of our destiny...I am intrigued at how sometimes people and situations just seem to fall into our laps.
I feel as if I was made for the life that I have chosen for myself, it's not always the most simple, the most glamorous, but none the less it is my life and I love it. I have access to people, places, things and information that few others have and that some would kill for. There are secrets that I have been forced to keep and things I have witnessed that I plan to take to my grave. It may not always be easy or fun, but I enjoy it. I was made for this. I have learned to put on many faces, get people to confide in me, and many times turn a blind eye to things. It is a challenging and at times tiring life, but I wouldn't trade it, the people or experiences for anything in the world. I look forward to retiring and writing my book so that I can share with you someday why I was made for this life.
It may not always be easy but I was made for this life!

I smile because I have you in my life

2009-02-24T12:10:00.000-08:00

There is something about the way in which God works. He brings people into our lives for many different reasons, but those that he brings to teach us a lesson and make us smile are the ones worth remembering.

I talk about him often, write about him more and think of him everyday...my BA. The title of this blog is a true reflection of how I feel about him. I have never admired or loved someone as much as I do Brandon. I have my other guy friends and my bestfriend Jason, but there is something special and profoudly unique about the relationship that I share with BA. Anytime I feel happy or sad, have good news or bad I know that BA will listen and give me advice where needed. I may not see him often, but the love and respect we have for each other has created a bond that shines bright everytime we are reunited by a special phone call. Some how he always knows when I need to hear from him, today was no exception. Sometimes in the midst of our busy lives we forget just how amazing we are until we are reminded by someone who has always seen it within us.

BA has always seen the good in me and the best I have to give from the day we met, he has never let me back down and in his own way has challenged me to find the special woman I am. I love him more than he will ever know and I am truly blessed beyond words to have someone like him in my corner. Life is so much better and worth living every day for because I can always smile knowing that BA is in my life.

Do I think I missed out?

2009-02-17T11:57:00.000-08:00

I've gotten this question a lot lately in relation to deciding to leave Howard after my first semester and was reminded of it thanks to facebook and the friends from Howard that I have via facebook. So question: Do I think I missed out on anything by not finishing college at Howard. Answer: Absolutely not. I feel like the things that happened to me in the first sememster taught me a lot and made me a better and stronger person. It was at Howard that for the first time in my life I had ALL black friends. Never in my life had I hung out with only black girls and actually enjoyed it. I was fortunate to have found a group of girls that I meshed quite nicely with. Although there are times I miss DC and the people I met and the things I expereinced I wouldn't change my decision to leave. I am thankful that I had the opportunity to expereince the other coast and the black college experience if only for a semester, but the things I experienced at a Division 1 Pac-10 university are way more me. At WSU I was able to major in Sport Management and minor in Communications (one of the best com schools in the country), I met amazing people, especially T, Megan, Katie, Rachel, Ashley, Jerome, Amanda, Mandy, the lady hoopers, the men hoopers and the football players that I wouldn't trade for the world. I got to expereince our men's basketball team going to the NCAA tournament back to back times, including a sweet 16 appearance. I got to watch USC and UCLA up close...including shouting to Josh Shipp that he is the sexiest man in the Pac-10. I got to work in a big time university athletic department, I got to walk to bars and parties...wasted most of the time, I made trips to Idaho (a state I thought I'd never set foot in), I got to come home for all major breaks (I didn't get to come home for Thanksgiving my first year of college). WSU brought pleanty of great friends and memories.

In short both Howard and WSU have made me into the person I am. I think that had it not been for Howard I would have never really gotten the chance to have a group of black girlfriends, see REAL step shows, expereince the Ques at their best, explore DC, Maryland and VA, spend hours shopping at Pentagon City, Union Square, PG Plaza or Adams Morgan and I would have never had a lesbian roommate or spent 6 hours in a hospital due to several girls getting alcohol poisioning at my first Que party. At WSU though I got to experience a "college town", develop a love for country music, play beer pong (not very well), play flip cup, drink til I passed out, dance in cages, walk to 95% of the parties I went to, met my soulmate in many ways (T!), sleep outside for HOURS with friends and strangers to grab the best seats for Cougar baketball, sneak liquor into the stadium for every Cougar Football game, taken half the OSU basketball team out and return 3 players to their hotel at 7 the next morning, being a sport management major, develop a tolerance for cheap beer (Busch light), learn to drink like a fish, being seen on TV (thanks to all my hours spent outside to grab front row for basketball games), I could go on forever!

I grew up a Husky (UW), spent a short time as a Bison (HU-Howard), but ened up a forever proud Coug (WSU)

Exhaling Thoughts

2009-02-12T11:49:00.000-08:00

I have always believed that writing is one of lifes most profound arts. The art of writing is like exhaling thoughts on to paper or in todays world exhaling thoughts through keys onto a screen. I just found a notebook I kept about 4 years ago that took me back. I found somethings that I wrote that reminded me how much I love the art. I need to get on writing again more to just release thoughts...that is why I started this blog. I need to to find the time again to really get out what it is that I am thinking and feeling. In looking back I have some pretty profound thoughts if I do say so myself.

As a slight detour...or perhaps glimps into what I may write about next. I am truly in love with the person I am. I may not live my life the way others want, I may have my days where I get down on myself, but once I get through all of that I relize I'm a pretty sick (in a good way) individual. I may not have someone special to share my wonderfulness, but I know it and the people I surround myself with know it and for now that is enough to satisfy me.

Simply...Exhaling thoughts...

What happened to all the male R&B groups...

2009-01-30T10:33:00.001-08:00

I was on my way to work today listening to my ipod as usual on my bus ride to and from work and all the great hits from Dru Hill, 112 and Jagged Edge seemed to play this morning on the shuffle. It made for a pleasent ride, but also got me thinking...where have all teh male r&b groups gone. So techinically Jagged Edge is still around and we have Day 26 (I'm a fan), but male r&b groups just aren't the same. What happened? I mean there was New Edition, Mint Condition, Jodeci, Dru Hill, 112 and so many more amazing male r&b groups in the lat 1980's and early 90's, but they have all disappeared. I understand people change and things change, but good music should never change. The next generation needs to stop bein greedy and start makin good music. I really do miss the good ol days and I'm happy that I'm old enough to remeber them. I guess I'll just have to keep the ipod and itunes full of the oldies, but always goodies!

P.S. As for my last post...things are starting to look up and I'm happy to report that the person who hurt me has since appologized and we have agreed to try and work things out...we both deserve it.

Bruised but not broken

2009-01-26T09:26:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning annoyed, pissed, depressed, down on myself and all around irritated. I cried, prayed and wanted to scream. I thought about getting even, I even comptimplated my existence. Then it hit me...it's not my problem. It's not my fault that people do terrible things to others, but it is your fault if you continue to sit around ignore the issue and let the disrespect continue. You can either let what those do to you destroy you and create anger or you can choose to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and believe with every fiber of your being that there was nothing you could have done differently. Far too often we replay things over and over wondering what we could have done differently only to realize we never did anything in the first place. Why people do things we will never understand. Why we hurt each other and those that care for us most...we will never know. It is important however to remember the ugly actions of others are never a reflection of us.
I am left sadden, slightly dazed and oh so confused, but I am being mindful that prayer and faith will bring me through just as it has so many times before. Although I may have lost in a sense and feel defeated I really won. I didn't cuss, fight or in any other way disrespect myself and for that I can't help but smile.
This too shall pass and more importantly...that which doesn't kill me only makes me stronger and wiser.

Before it happens....

2009-01-12T20:31:00.000-08:00

I always find myself in the darndest predicaments and this time is no different. This is somewhat of a follow up to my last post. So I hung out with Mr. Wonderful Saturday night. It was a great time. No complaints at all. He held my hand when we were at Safeway, he took me to his place and he made sure I got home safely. However I'm still skeptical as hell. He seems to perfect, something is missing. I'm more scared for him to be perfect than to find out that he isn't. So that leaves me where I am right now. Do I stick around and wait for him to break my heart into a million pieces or do I bail before I get into deep? Now I know what they say...in order to find love you have to be willing to get hurt. Well I'm sick of being hurt and I'm not sure I could go through that with this one since I really like him and think so much of him. I mean I'm already waiting for him to screw up just like everyother guy which I know is so wrong, but I can't help but to think that because he is so perfect there is something really wrong that I'm going to find out too late. I wish liking people wasn't so complicated and that if you like someone they just like you back. Oh if it could all be so simple!

Too good to be true????

2009-01-08T17:25:00.000-08:00

I have always wondered if somethings really are too good to be true. Most of the time they have proven to be too good and so untrue. However, with the new year in full swing I'm feeling as if this new year brings with it a new twist on things being too good to be true. Lastnight I met quite the interesting gentleman in the most unusual way. He attended the basketball game I was working at with his friend that is my aunt's assistant at work. My aunt met him before they arrived at the game and being the WONDERFUL aunt she is asked if he was single and turns out he was and she said you need to meet my niece...good lookin out. The man is beautiful so my type. I'm excited to see what happens, but also keeping my guard up and not getting my hopes up. However he's already passed a major test in meeting my aunt, dealing with her crazy antics and still wanting to persue something with me. I'm very intrigued and even a bit optimistic. Tomorrow we plan to hangout...who knows. Could this be the end all (at least for now) or is he just another guy that is too good to be true????

As I begin 2009...

2009-01-04T11:42:00.000-08:00

We are now 4 days into 2009 and I'm really hoping that this year will bring definition and clarity to my life. As I've grown over the years I've come to realize that you cannot please everyone and the only person you have to please is yourself. I'm done living for everyone else...I'm ready to live for me. I'm going to start doing all the things I never thought I had time for and stop neglecting those that mean the most to me. I'm starting by taking my first trip to Vegas at the end of the month with my cousin/Godsister for her 30th birthday. After that I'm planning to go to LA and then Orlando. I'm also hoping I find time to take a trip down to Portland to visit two very good friends.

I know that 2009 will have it's ups and downs just like any other year (it just wouldn't be life), but I'm also hoping that I can continue to find the strength to put myself first.

I'm looking forward to beginning my first big kid internship tomorrow and beginning a new chapter of my life along with it.

2008 a year in Review...

2008-12-30T15:32:00.000-08:00

We are upon the last 2 days in 2008 so I thought I'd take a quick look back and highlight some of the happenings of my life. It was a pretty quiet year other than getting a boyfriend only to find out 5 months later why I was glad I didn't have one before. I also went the the United States Olympic Training Center in Colorado Springs for the FLAME Conference. Went to the Lyfe Jennings concert in July with my awesome brother. The Sonics were lost to Oklahoma City...and that began Seattle's dismal year of sports...hopefully UW basketball can revive it. Barack Obama was elected the 44th President of the United States Nov. 4. I went to San Francisco for Thanksgiving break and got to see two amazing friends and my dad. Lastly, December 19, 2008 I finished my time at WSU and completed the coursework toward my Bachelor of Arts in Sport Management...yay!!!

It's been a pretty quite year, but had many fun moments that will make it memorable in my heart. I'm looking forward to 2009 and especially May 9...when I officially graduate from Washington State University. 2009 is sure to bring many more milestones and memories. So here's to 2008 and the start of 2009....what a year it shall be.

Keep comin back...I'll be here!

My brother from another

2008-12-24T08:11:00.000-08:00

Well I woke up to it snowing again this morning...it's been snowing in Seattle for about a week now...blah. But the snow remided me of the amazing weekend I was able to have. Saturday I spent the entire day with the greatest guy I know...my best friend Jason! We ended up spending so much of Saturday together we came out of his brother's basketball game to a winter wonderland I ended up turning 1 day into 3 with him. I've always found myself having the most interesting and profound relationships with guys...I guess I'm just that girl that's girly enough for the girl advice, but aware enough to see the guys side. I realized after spending 3 days with my bestfriend that I love him so much and I feel like I don't tell him enough. When we first met almost 2 years ago I never thought he'd end up being another brother to me. After I lost my bestfriend Quinton (females and drama) I wasn't sure that I would ever be able to replace him, although he will never be replaced Jason has become a bestfriend and more to me. I value our friendship and realize that I am blessed beyond belief by our relationship. I am able to share with him things I feel no one else understands and he shares with me things that he could never tell anyone else (at least female). He is my blessing. I sometimes wonder what would have happend if we never met or if our relationship had taken a different path...for once I'm glad I didn't fight the flow of life. This weekend brought one of the most profound moments in our friendship...two very straight people sleeping together in the same bed and loving each other on a level so deep that neither felt the need to try anything...just having the warmth of the other persons body and knowing that the person next to you will always love you. I love my brother from another and his whole family like they are my own. He is a wonderful man and I am glad that I can call him my bestfriend! I've also decided that he will be the Godfather of my children, because if I trust him to take care of me I trust him to take care of my future kids.

A little to close for comfort

2008-12-16T22:11:00.000-08:00

I sit here on the eve of my last final ever in college, I sit here the product of hard work, I sit here the product of a single mother that cared enough to keep my ass in check, I sit here the product of not always making the best decisions, but at least enough of the right one. I sit here confused and grief stricken by the fact that someone I was once close too has been shot in the head and is in the hospital fighting for his life...and all for what. Too many young men in the Seattle area have either been killed or have faced serious injury due to acting like little ass boys and trying to be something that is really nothing. I sit here thinking I saw this coming, but was hoping I would never have to hear that this one...another one so close was dealing with a life threatening injury. It's bad enough I lost a close friend, someone that had a crush on me when we were kids, to the violence among young black men only years ago.

Nothing makes sense right now. I'm just sitting here hoping and praying that the next text or phone call I receieve isn't someone telling me that I'll be attending a funeral when I get back to Seattle in 3 days. I'm also hoping and praying that this will all end somehow, sometime soon. Most of all I'm hoping and praying that no one else gets hurt or that someone I care deeply for doesn't do something stupid.

I'm prayin for you baby boy...hang in there...I knew I shoulda kicked your butt a little more back in the day. Grandma Betty my prayers are with you and the whole fam.

Bittersweet...

2008-12-13T11:12:00.000-08:00

I sit here in the midst of a mess on my last Saturday living in Pullman trying to pack and watching Fall Commencement. Just a few days ago I was so excited about leaving Pullman and moving back to the "big city", but I sit here now a bit torn. I guess you could say reality has hit! As I pack up my life here in Pullman I am also packing up a world of memories I never thought I'd have. I pack up some of the best friends I could have ever made. I pack up an experience I wouldn't trade for the world. I thought a Black College was what I wanted, but little did I know what I really needed was a small town college in the middle of the wheat fields. All the tests, projects, late nights, movies, nights spent outside the Beas (beasley coliseum), basketball games, football games, volleyball games, drunken nights, days working in the athletic department, trips to spokane, trips and nights in Moscow (Idaho), cage dances, wing nights, beer pong games, inside jokes and friends I will never forget.

I am excited to make the next step, but a little sad (hate to admit it) to leave behind this special place. I never knew Pullman would have such a hold on me. I have had some amazing times. I'm gonna miss my girls and our wild times like crazy. I'm really going to miss the two people that got me though sport management, Ashley and Rachel...without them I'm not sure I would have made it. As I go on in life I will always remember their support and their challenges that helped make me better.

Congrats to Rachel, Nicole (Rally), Linds, Darryl and all those others that commenced from WSU today....GO COUGS!!!!

Empty....

2008-12-09T02:01:00.000-08:00

It's 2 a.m. and I'm up and my mind is running in circles. It's too late to take a sleeping pill so now I have to sit here and struggle with the demonds that haunt me at at times like this. I often wonder at times like this what is it all really for...we go through life imagining that things will end up one way, but far too often they don't end up how we envision them at all. It's true...why are we dying to live, if we are just living to die? We wake up everyday hoping that just maybe today will be better than yesterday, but the same problems we faced yesterday are staring us back in the mirror. We are still the same person, with the same problems, just simply living, functioning and for what? We live our lives according to the way society says we should...we go to school, we work, we go home, we sleep and it starts all over again. I have always thought of people that take their own lives as shelfish, but maybe they're really the courageous ones. They realize that sooner or later they will have to die so what's the point in prolonging the inevitable. It seems like life is nothing, but a race against death.

I know this sounds really depressing and morbid, but when you feel as empty as I do right now you're mind tends to think of some crazy things. When you are as empty and tired of being disappointed mostly by yourself your mind wanders. When you are as empty and unsure of what your real purpose is other than taking all the hurt that others don't seem to face...your mind wanders.

I just don't know anymore. From day to day I just don't know. I pray and ask God for guidence, but I'm not really sure where I am going. I am sick of hurting, I am sick of crying and most of all I am sick of trying. I have given my all to so much in life only to get little to nothing in return. I have so many emotions running around that truly I just feel empty. I feel like I have nothing left to give...I am all tapped out. It seems like everyday I just go through the motions of life hoping that one day life will finally have mercy on me and suprise me...shock me even. That life will bring me something other than stress and grief.

I know I could be a lot worse off right now, but I also feel I could be a lot better. I know that nothing in life is owed to us, but for once I wish my life would stop looking up to only look back, laugh and shit in my face. I'm tired of living life the way it is supposed to be lived, I am tired of being unhappy and I am tired of waking up greatful for life only to wish later that I could climb into a hole and die.

The glimmers of hope are all that keep me going and I guess are what keep most people from crumbling so maybe we are the courageous ones, the ones who wake up everyday because we don't want to miss our suprise. The ones that are willing to keep waking up everyday just hoping that, that day our turn will come and that we no longer have to remain hopeless. I just hope that my glimmers can continue to shine bright enough to give me the hope and courage to face tomorrow. I hope and pray that my day isn't too far from now, because I'm not sure how much longer I can function being empty.

Oh the irony

2008-12-08T20:07:00.000-08:00

So I've decided that I am way more successful in my friendships with males than I am with relationships. I find this to be crazyily ironic. I get along so well with so many guys, but when it comes to trying to have a relationship it just never really works. Hummmm...I wish I knew why this was, but for now it shall remain a mystery.

Maybe one day love will find me, but until them I'm just gonna keep on shinin!

Nothing I can say...

2008-12-06T09:06:00.001-08:00

Nothing I can say will ever excuse what I did. I did the one thing I said I wouldn't do. I never promised, but I sure did tell you I would never do what I did. You aren't mine...never have been and who knows if you ever will be. I guess caring has been my biggest fault whether it be too much or too soon, I am a carer...it's in my nature. It's not that I mind other girls, it's that the combination of intoxication and hearing some girl loudly in my ear sent me over the edge. However, there is no excuse for what I did, but I'm woman enough to adimit I did it and appologize for it. I believe that we have a mutual respect for each other and I simply wanted to know who she was...honestly I would have joked about you takin her home like I do with so many of the other random girls. I know how you feel about me and I know how I feel about you. I have worked hard on growing over the last few years and lastnight was not the lady that I am or want to be portrayed as. You mean far too much to me to let 5 minutes tarnish what we have. The happiness you bring to my life is a breath of fresh air and far too precious to me to lose. I hope that you can forgive me and realize that lastnight wasn't Ashley and that we can wipe the slate clean...

Husky at Heart

2008-12-04T21:10:00.000-08:00

Yeah that's right I said it! Lol! I'm definitely a Coug, but I love my Huskies and it doesn't help that my best friend's lil bro plays for the Huskies. I'm from Seattle, born and raised a Husky. The Cougs have treated me well the last 2 years, but goin back home to partake in Husky sports is something I look forward to. I guess you could say I'm a soul divided...lol. To all my fellow Cougs I love the Cougs I really do...I spent days outside waiting for basketball games, but I could never hate the Huskies the way so many of you diehard Cougs do. I just have too much personal interest in that I have tons of family and friends who have been Huskies. So there you have it my personal confession...

3 more weeks...

2008-11-30T19:49:00.000-08:00

Well I'm back in Pullman sadly after a MUCH needed break. I had a great time in San Francisco seeing my dad and two good friends. It was definitely a great treat to give myself after the hellish sememster I've already had. Thanksgiving with the fam on the Island was amazing as always. Spending time with my friend Shayne was the best...margaritas, Kat Williams, accounting and wine, wine and late night talks and a movie to top it all off...amazing to say the least...you truly are the male version of me....lol. Now I'm back at school and back on the grind for 3 more weeks...then I'm out this place for good..thank God. Going home reminded me of how amazing Seattle and the westside is. Pullman has been a blast...but my time is so over. I have 3 papers, 2 tests and 2 presentations left in my undergrad career and I couldn't be more excited. I have one test tomorrow, but studying is nearly impossible, because I'm so unmotivated...oh well guess I better get over that soon...lol. Well 3 more weeks left in Pullman for good...guess I better get motivated and make the most of it.

Ya Di!

2008-11-18T17:04:00.000-08:00

So I'm sitting here just going in circles...I should be packing or studying or getting ready to go to our men's basketball game, but I can do none of those, because I am way too amped about goin home tomorrow. When I first moved to Pullman 2 years ago I figured it wouldn't be so bad, but I'm over it! Seriously. I haven't been home since August and I miss it! I never thought I could miss Seattle as much as I do at this moment. I can't wait to get home, see my mom, see my brother, eat (I'm talkin soulfood on the real and good restaurants...Applebee's does not count), go to my job and get some love, spend time with the homies and then go to San Francisco!!!! This semester has been rough and not bein back in Seattle since August has been even rougher, and it is time for a break. I am overjoyed at the prospect that this time tomorrow I will be on the westside. I'm even more excited, because this time next week I'll be in San Francisco kickin it...SUPER EXCITED. I basically get to vacations in one...but trust me I deserve it! Well I'm hopin to go out Thursday night and hopefully Friday and Saturday too so let me know if you're down or tryin to join.

Just one of my many pet peeves

2008-11-13T17:37:00.000-08:00

I'm usually not one to complain, but I figured I've got a blog so I can just put it all out there. I HATE group work, plain and simple. I hate it. Not dislike or dispise...HATE. It is so annoying. The older we get the harder it gets, because schedules conflict and people just don't step up. I have had the pleasure of working in groups with two of the best people I know..Rachel Kalac and Ashley White, but aside from these two everyone else I have worked with has given me nothing, but anxiety and a headache. I spent my entire Tuesday (which was supposed to be a day off from school) working with Rachel and Ashley on our group project that consists of 3 other people. Literally I was at Rachel's from 10-9 with an hour break! I am so over groups and people who are slackers. I may not be the hardest worker, but I am far from a slacker, especially when it comes to group work...I have never made someone do my work and theirs...it's just not fair! I am so glad that I am almost done with school and hopefully group projects for good...I can work with people I just hate relying on them for my grade. All I have left is to present these projects and I will be out of my misery...I guess it's true what they say...that which doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

Exposed...Everything I am

2008-11-07T08:29:00.000-08:00

In just 3 short weeks you have come to know everything about me, when I say everything I mean EVERYTHING. You have become a friend, confidant and source of comfort. I've stayed up to crazy hours like I haven't done in years. I never thought that all those years ago when I saw you off in the distance that you would become a forefront part of my life.

I have come to find someone that understands me, because in so many ways you are like me. I never thought I'd find an almost mirror image of me, who's refelction shines so bright back at me. When we first embarked on this journey I was unsure of where we were going or where we would end up. As the days past I came to realize that I saw you as more than just a friend, I saw you as someone who understood me and that I wanted by my side, someone who believes in me and someone I want to share in this journey with me...you inspire me, encourage me and more than anything make me better.

We both have our issues that we feel are bigger than any other person should have to bear. We both don't see an end in sight or believe that happiness will ever find us. We both are unsure of what the future may hold for us, but one thing we know for sure is that we are multilayered, multifacited...hell we are just down right confusing and our own worst enemies.

Despite all that we have been through and all our craziness we deal with we have discovered a frindship and comfort in each other that I'm not sure either of us expected. You see success in me that I'm barely able to recognize in myself and I see a world of potential in you that is simply waiting to be unleashed. I know you don't see it or believe it now, but I truly feel with the right combination and you finding what it is the world needs from you, you will be unstopable. In you I see a true man in progress, responsible, intellectual, caring, encouraging and strong.

I have told you things about me few others know. I have told you things about me that aren't the most glamourous, but I hope that you can see beyond those things. I hope that you see the person I am and the support I want to be for you...I want to help take some of your challenges...I want to help you find the person I see so deep within. I am not perfect, but if you can learn to accept me the way I am, I promise I will not let you down and I will never turn my back on you. I know things with me aren't that easy and it is a lot to deal with, but if you are willing to accept me I promise I will do everything in my power to keep you safe.

What I'm trying to say and what I'm saying to the world is I don't want to wake up years from now wondering what if...I want to give us a chance. I believe that we are strong enough as individuals that we can conquer so much together. I feel like we can counter balance each other and in many ways we bring out the best in each other...I know I see it in you and I think you see it in me. However, if you decide that my burden is too much of a risk for you I'll understand, but please promise me that you will never leave me...I need you, I want you and more than anything you make me better.

YES WE DID...NOW OUR CHILDREN CAN FLY

2008-11-04T23:38:00.000-08:00

I sit here tonight for the first time in my life overwhelmingly proud to be an American. I woke up this morning with a sense of pride and excitement that I have never had before. As I showered I thought about what this day would mean in history. I thought about the fact that I was born under Regan and grew up with both Bushes. Although I had Clinton most of my life has been lived under republican rule. Tonight though that has all changed!!!! President BARACK OBAMA!!!!!

Most of my life I felt something was missing. I heard my mom talk about civil rights and what that movement meant to her and her generation, but my generation had yet to be apart of something so powerful until now. Those of us 18-30 played a huge role in electing the 1st African-American president into office. More than just race, Obama is a man of intellect and appeal...he has a way of connecting with all of us...he is all of us. Born of mixed race, grew up in a multicultural world...there is a bit of us all in him.

I sit here in shock, amazed and crying tears of joy! My generation has left their mark...if we never do anything amazing again...we elected the FIRST AFRICAN AMERICAN PRESIDENT!!!! I am excited for the next 4 years and I pray that he can get another 4. I am proud of my generation, and I hope that we have made the generations before us proud and that those who come after us realize what a historical moment and time we are living in. I honestly never thought this day would come, but it's here and I plan to ride this thing with my fellow Americans until the wheels fall off.

YES WE CAN AND YES WE HAVE!!!

A new America in less than 24 hours???

2008-11-03T21:12:00.000-08:00

So I should be studying for my test tomorrow, but I am way too focused on the future of the country, my children and myself to really focus on a class that I just need a passing grade in...lol (bad menatlity but true). A few days ago I received the most incredible text from my dear, intellectual friend Kwapi. The text goes a little something like this...Rosa ran so Martin could walk...Martin walked so Obama could run...Obama is running so our children could fly. After reading this text I got an overwhelming feeling...it sent a shiver down my spin. I've always believed in the past is the foundation for the future, but no one had ever put this election in a context like this. I realized that if Obama doesn't win who knows where this will put America as a country and minorites. Obama has made a believer out of so many, including myself. Obama running in this historical election has given me a sense of hope and for the first time made me believe that anything really is possible...even for minorities. I realized that there is more than just healthcare, the war, education and the economy riding on this election...the future for generations to come is riding on this election. Those of us 18-30 have a chance to make a real difference by casting our vote, we have a chance to not only speak for ourselves, but our children (born and unborn). We owe it to those that aren't old enough to vote for their future and we owe it to our parents and grandparents to show them we are intelligent, intellectual and willing to continue to build upon the foundation that those who came before us set.

I hope to wake up Wednesday morning (if not go to bed Tuesday night) with Barack Obama as the 44th President of These United States of America. I have cast my ballot, I have let my voice be heard. I really hope that everyone else makes the right choice for right now...serious CHANGE. I would hate to see what happens if the wrong person is elected (or so they say) into office. I would hate to see what will become of America, but most of all I would hate to see that we never again get so close to having a black (person of color) person elected to the highest office. I would hate to have to answer to my kids and grandkids about what happened on November 4, 2008. I would hate to never see this dream come true, and possibly die wondering "what if".

This is the most historical election to date and I hope you are all planning to vote or already have. Even if you vote McCain (why?) still vote. My vote lies with Barack Obama!!! Let's wake up to a new America on November 5, 2008...we owe it to ourselves and those coming up after us.

P.S. May the wonderful Madelyn Dunham rest beautifully in peace. May she rest with the Lord above knowing that she played a great deal in raising a man of true character and integrity that can lead the United States back to greatness. May we not let her or his deceased mother, grandfather and father's living and raising of him be in vain.

Time to Get Nasty....

2008-11-02T21:23:00.000-08:00

It's been a minute...the last week has been crazy! Today was even more crazy though! I went to our 1st women's basketball season of the year and it was amazing to say the least. The theme of their season is "Get Nasty"...hence the title of this blog. It has always bothered me that people are so anti support of women's teams. Now I understand that you may not get the fancy plays or dunks like in men's basketball or whatever, but that's still not an excuse. Ever since I can remember I've supported women's teams just as I would their male counterparts. In high school I was our basketball team manager and it was the best experience ever...win or lose I loved every minute of supporting them for 4 years. When I came to WSU just over 2 years ago I was at our 1st women's game and it wasn't anything to get excited about, but I still went to every game and supported them...win or lose and there was a lot of losing going on.

Things are beginning to look up. Just like the men struggled and now are all over the NCAA map I feel like our women are on their way up. I'm sad I won't get to be here the whole season, but from what I saw tonight it should be exciting. I've beena die hard Coug sports fan the last 2 1/2 years and although I love the Husky mens team...no one will ever replace my love for the Lady Cougs hoop squad! Here's to an amazing season, full of more exhilirating moments and most of all WINS!!!!!

5 years from now...28 years of Age

2008-10-27T21:51:00.000-07:00

Ok so I wanted to blog but was unsure of what to say so I asked a friend and he gave me the idea of talkin about my life and compare it to what I foresee it being like 5 years from now...scary

I'm 23 now and about to finish up my undergraduate education. I have an offer to intern at Bellevue Community College and I'm waiting to hear from the Olympic Training Center in Chula Vista, CA. This causes for an interesting perspective. Right now life is chill I'm young, single and trying to enjoy life to the fullest. I'm unsure of what I really want to do with my life, but I know that I want to get my masters. I'm looking around at schools, I'm thinkin of stayin in Seattle just to make it not so expensive since I'm already in debt from grad school and I'm not really excited about taking out more loans. The world around me is crazy...the economy is screwed, people are screwed and the world over all is in complete shambles. I can't believe that in just 8 days the United States could forever change by electing it's first African American president...holla! I think that having a new perspective that the US has never seen before will really help us not just in the next 4 years, but for years to come....OBAMA! I'm like a leaf right now just kinda goin where the wind blows me...I'm feeling like a liberated hippie child..lol. I care about little else besides my education, the welfare of American people, sports and GOOD music and the arts. That's a lot when I list it...lol.

Fast forward....

28...married? kids? amazing career? YES!!! I have settled down a lot! I have it all...well I'm pregnant with my first child. I got married a year ago to an amazing man...took a while, but I found him in the last place I was looking...right in front of me (funny how those things happen). I'm very happy though! I got my masters and I'm now working at Georgia Tech in their Athletic Department as and associate AD for Student Athlete Development...I love my job. I made my husband move, but he's ok with it, because he fully supports whatever I do. He understands the work I put into being where I am. He has his own hours so he'll be doing a lot of the work with our baby once I go back to work. I miss my family and friends, but it's the sacrifice you make to follow your dreams. I still have the same core group of friends and my 2 best girls are coming down when the baby is born...they're also the Godparents. Barack Obama has just started his 2nd term as president and I must say the 1st was trying for him, but he definitely did a lot of great things. The economy is much better and healthcare is the bomb...the education system is also on th up and up. How life changes in 5 years. My brother is also now married and it's kinda weird, but I love my sister-in-law.

Ahahahahah...that was fun...creating my own life the way I'd like it to be 5 years from know, they say that writing things down helps to make them more real so maybe all this will happen in the next 5 years...

Just because I need this

2008-10-25T20:42:00.000-07:00

I attempted this blog about 30 minutes ago and that didn't go so well. I was really angry and upset, but with the help of constants I've come to realize that frustrations shouldn't really mean anything.

My constants are my friends, family, music and most of all my friends. My friends keep me grounded and remind me of the wonderful person I am. They are the siblings that God forgot to give me. I love my friends so much it's rediculous. They know me better than anything or other people. They are the reason I smile and they are what drive me to be my best. I have my best friends, but one friend means more to me than anyone will really know...my BA. He has been my hero and inspiration over the last 3 years. He's driven me to be better than even I thought I could be and he's always loved me in his own way. Many times when I'm goin through things I always think what would BA say or do, what would he want me to do. He came into my life as someone I liked, but has ended up as someone I respect and love. He has become my refuge when I don't know where to turn I know I can always go to him. It's like whenever something is going on he always seems to know how to put things into perspective for me. We share a bond that no one can really understad or break. Although he lives 3 time zones and 3000 miles away he is my constant, he is the definition of a best friend. Other than moving to Florida he has never faulted me, doubted me or let me down.

It's in my darkest moments and my moments of worthlessness that I think of my BA and it makes me happy. Thinking of him reminds me that no matter how down, how lonely or how upset I am I've always got someone on my side who has never failed me. I've got pleanty of other friends who have never let me down, but I don't share the same bond with them that I share with my BA. He's more than just a friend, he's an EVERYTHING man!

What a week!

2008-10-24T18:07:00.000-07:00

This past week has been one of the most life changing in a while! I found out that I'm for sure leaving Pullman in December. I also received a phone call from the Chula Vista Olympic Training center about an internship...I had the phone interview today. Everything is moving so fast, in less than 2 months I'll be out of Pullman and on to my internship and the beginning to the next phase of my life. It seems like just yesterday I didn't see and end and now it's almost here. It's bittersweet! I'm really excited about the next phase of my life and the possibility of working for one of the greatest non profit organizations in the country and living in California, but at the same time I'm really going to miss college life :)

This week has been a whirlwind of emotions and this blog is not meant to be my goodbye to college quite yet. I've got about 7-8 weeks left to live it up in college. There are still parties to attend, drinks to be had, dancing to be done, football games to attend and basketball season to kick off...I'm not gone yet! This week has made me realize that your really don't know what you have until it's almost gone, but it's also taught me that seasons change and this season of my college career is getting ready to change.

Onward and upward....let's see what the weeks ahead have to hold!

For Serious...Obama 08

2008-10-16T21:52:00.000-07:00

So after lastnight I officially know that I will be casting my ballot for Barack Obama come November 4th. John McCain is the biggest joke ever...well combination of a bad joke and an even worse nightmare. He thought he was being funny lastnight during the debate, but really he was just awkward. And can someone tell me why is is sooooooooo stiff???? It scares the crap out of me. I need someone that can move freely, I mean I know he was injured in war and all, but for serious...the non movement scares me.

I just hope that people actually watched the debates (including the VP) and that they seriously consider how IMPORTANT this election is. I'm excited for November 4th and I hope everyone makes the obvious and clear decision to cast their ballots for Obama. Even if you are a McCain support, I just want people to go out and vote...it's our God given, democratic right...so do it! I definitely can't wait to see what happens, but if anything we better not get jiped on the count like in 2000 and 2004!

Lastly as a student of a Pac-10 institution I for one am BEYOND JEALOUS that Oregon State University has Barack's brother-in-law as a coach...how freakin cool! Calvin you are one lucky S.O.B.! Can't wait to see him from the sidelines this year and know that the coach we're beatings (lol) brother-in-law is the PRESIDENT of the UNITED STATES!!!! OBAMA 08!!!!

My boys...

2008-10-09T20:03:00.000-07:00

So I was supposed to do a special blog dedicated to my boy, but I decided to wait on that and do one dedicated to all my boys. Since I can remember I have always had a close and special relationship with either one guy or a group of guys. I love being around guys...they make me laugh, you can say the dumbest shit and they just laugh, but most of all they have taught me some of the most valuable life lessons. So here's to my boys the old, the new and the ones I have yet to meet, the past, the present and the future...

Quinton: the first best guy friend I ever had...although we don't talk anymore your friendship is still something I am thankful that I was able to have, if even for a short while. I loved you like a brother and I always will. I pray that some day we will come back together.

Miguel and Family: I have to say and family, because he has 6 brothers almost all of whom I have had the chance to meet and several other friends and family members that I consider as friends. When you came into my life 7 years ago I never thought we would have all the fun that we did...even though you've gotten me in trouble and caused great grief, your friendship has been valuable beyond belief.

BA (Brandon Anderson): Mi Amore! What more can I say...you started out as someone I just wanted to hook up with, but you have become a true friend and inspiration. Thank you for believing in me and showing me what I am just now fully beginning to see. I love you more than you will ever know!

Anthony: Thought I forgot about you...7 years and 2 kids later...you've always been there and one day we may be able to get it right. Thanks for all the love.

Jerome: Oh Rome! You are the realiest guy I could have met in Pullman. Thanks for always bein real and being there for me to vent. Wonderful things are in store and remember yellow cake always got your back! Lol!

Jayson (Jason): I love you! What more can I say. We've had our moments, but I think more than anything we've been able to find honesty in each other and a type of friendship one can only hope to find in a lifetime. Although I already have a big brother you've been like a big brother and a best friend. Thank you for the good times and the laughs and I love Q like a little big brother and I hope to stick around to see the good times that are in store for him.

There are several others who have been great sources of joy: Kwapi, Michael P., Michael C., Jon, Tabarak, Jeff, Sam, Bruce, CJ, Lod, Rod, Terrence, Andre, Antoine, Quinn and Allen G. The list goes on, but these are the ones that standout the most.

I love my boys...without them I wouldn't be the girl that you now see. You've thoughened me up, made me smarter, schooled me and most of all shown me love.

This be the realiest shit I've ever known....

2008-10-08T17:54:00.000-07:00

Ok...I know I already wrote once today, but I just read something that made me want to write again. Lastnight I talked about my friend Casey's clothing line. Standing next to Casey is a young man that goes by the name Havek Osten. Another real ass dude. Never had the privilege of actually meeting him, but I have had the opportunity of encountering his mind through his facebook page. He like Casey inspire me and give me hope that there are young black men out in the world still that are not afraid to stand up against what the world has precieved them to be. They are not afraid to challenge the status quo, they are not afraid to dig deep and try to follow in the footsteps of the many strong black men that came before them and sacrificed whos footsteps are all but gone from a world too concerned with dumbin everything down.

My aunt was a Black Panther one of the few women amongst the men paving the way for blacks in Seattle during the 1960's and 70's. Many times in my life I have admired her for being a Black Panther and standing up, for being apart of a movement...something real. I do not agree with the philosophy of the New Black Panther party and there are few other positive black groups to believe in. I guess that is why CentLess has drawn me in. That is why I am drawn to young black intellects like Casey, Havek and another friend of mine Kwapi. They speak truth that tries to build up, inspire and continue the movement that people like Martin Luther King Jr, Malcom X, Angela Davis, Huey P. Newton, Stokley Charmichael and the countless other revolutionaries and visionaries began so long ago.

I feel like as young black people we have lost sight of the greatness that we come from and the greatness that we are meant to be. Don't get me wrong I love the latest dances, fashions and other things fed to us, but I also never forget what is real. I never dumb myself down, I never let anyone intimidate me or take from me what I have earned though the work done by those who came before me. I might not be out here being an activist, but I do support whatever positive things I see my fellow young blacks doin. I do educate myself and take every opportunity given to me to display my intellect given to me. I may be going into a superficial field, but I believe that Sports was one of the first arenas of life in America to become integrated and I want to break into the field and make a difference and show that my young black brothers are more than their bodies and physical prowess...I want to give them the confidence they so desperately need to be more than what everyone thinks, wants or expects them to be. I want to use my education to continue the changing face of the front office...it has always been a dream of mine to knock the socks off "fat white guys" runnin shit, by showing them that a young black woman can "run with the big boys". I plan to make a change and do right by my people, in my own way.

Wild Ass Dudes....

2008-10-08T17:16:00.000-07:00

Ok excuse me for being blunt, but dudes in my opinion are beginning to lose their minds. They are becoming more and more wild...quite frankly it worries me, more than that it's bothering me. I felt it was time to approach this subject, because I've been witnessing just how wild or in some cases reckless guys are becoming.

Case in point: 2 weeks ago a really good friend of mine got a call from a guy that she had been talkin to off and on over the last several months. This dude had the audacity to tell her not to show up to a party (at a public place) or there would be problems and he would put her on blast simply, because she decided not to put up with him and his bullshit and dropped him. WILD!!!!!

Case #2: There is a guy I've known for about a year and a half...we talked, hung out, cool dude. Well he stopped talkin to me all together around the beginning of this year. About 3 weeks ago we ran into each other and he tried to play me like I was stupid. Then the other night he calls my girl and is like where is your girl Ashley I need her to bring some Wendy's...whoa! 1) he goes to Uof I and Wendy's is in Idaho, 2) he hits my girl up like she's my keeper, 3) he can't even hit me up (claimin he ain't got the number, but we're friends on myspace?), 4) don't hit me up through my friend 3 weeks later after you tried to play me...PLEASE! To add insult to injury he calls yesterday and I missed the call...no more than 5 minutes later I get a call from my same friend who is like why does ol boy keep hittin me up lookin for you...wow...really! Too much. This dude wants to act like my friend and I don't have anything better to do or that I don't have more respect for myself than to go get him Wendy's....n***a ...PLEASE!

Man and these are just the worst examples as of lately. Guys are off the hook. I mean I know it's the year of the Independent Woman and all, but why must guys find it necessary to act up even more now that many of us have finally found our confidence...scared? intimidated? I don't know, but I need guys to grow up and stop actin like little boys and like ALL women should drop to their knees...

Please ladies watch out...dudes are WILD and they seem to be getting worse.

Real Change...

2008-10-07T19:18:00.000-07:00

So I thought about blogging about the debate, but I'm gonna take a different approach tonight. I'm going to blog about something I believe in...CentLess! It is an amazing clothing line that has a real message behind it. It was developed originally as HaveKnots by a Howard University student Casey Crawford. I had the privilege of being graced by Casey during my short stay at Howard. I found Casey to be a person of great character, whom I came to respect. He will never know (unless he's reading this) the deep respect I have for him. He is a young man that caught my eye not only, because he was good looking, but I could tell he was about something. Although Howard didn't work out for me I was fortunate to meet some wonderful indiviuals one of those being Mr. Casey Crawford.

CentsLess speaks to me. It is an urban clothing line with a message. It speaks to my generation, the generation of hip hop, bling bling and the finer things. A generation who in some ways has had things handed to us, but at the same time must work to continue the legacy of those who came before us. It is a clothing line of conciousness and change.

I'm not one who usually speaks on issues, but for once in my life I feel compelled to share CentsLess with many of you who other wise probably would have no clue as to what CentsLess is. I believe in the clothing line and the movement in which it speaks for. I could go on and on about CentsLess, but I feel that it's better to just let the creator speak to you via the CentsLess blog, http://www.dimesandnicks.blogspot.com/. I'm not asking that you believe in CentsLess or agree with what they're trying to do, I simply felt compelled to share a love of mine with all of you.

With this presidental voting year I like so many other young Americans are seeking REAL CHANGE. I see that change in Obama and I see that change in CentsLess.

Please be aware of the issues and what is going on in America. We can talk all we want about foreign policy, the energy crisis, the war, healthcare and the economy, but what is really important in this election is the state of America and the people of America. We have already lost so much in the last 8 years and stand to gain or lose so much with this election. There are people here in the United States suffering and struggling each and everyday who we can't continue to fail. People who work hard, pay taxes and are still just barely getting by. We owe it to them, we owe it to the world, we owe it to future generations and most of all we owe it to OURSELVES to make the right and most educated decision come November 4. Please educate yourself on the issues and cast your ballot

Real Change can happen...I see it in Barack Obama and young black entreprenuers like Casey Crawford and his visionaries (Havek Osten) and his company CentsLess.

Here we go...

2008-10-04T22:57:00.000-07:00

Thanks for checkin me out. I was inspired by my sissy to blog...she's insipred me to do so many other things in life so I decided to give this a try. I've been reading a lot lately about gettin things out, because it makes stuff more real. So thanks Sasha for inspiring me like you always seem to do.

Where I'm at right now...well reading this I'm sure many of you know me. I'm a fresh 23...2 weeks tommorrow to be exact. I definitely feel like I am comin into my own for the first time. I look around me and I am blessed. I have an amazing family, I'm gettin my college education, and I have friends who have kept me solid.

I'm definitely new to this whole blogging thing, but I'm interested to see where it takes me. I think it will be fun. It will also be a good way for everyone to catch up and keep up with what is goin on with me, espeically once I finish school in December. So be ready to see things the way I do and live my life through my words.