Cuts...

I can't believe it's been close to 2 months since I last wrote. The summer has been crazy...workin a lot and working on me. I am always a work in progress and at times its hard working on yourself, because you begin to realize how much you've grown away from people. I've realized that some people aren't worth my time and aren't meant to hold a place in my life and that's a tough pill to swallow...espcially when they mean something to you. Although some people still mean something their time in your life has passed, I'm now realizing that with someone I thought I'd stay close to forever. I now realize that my life is going in a direction that doesn't seem to include him. The way I once felt isn't how I feel anymore. Although I am glad for the time we've spent and what he once meant to me I know in my heart it's time for us to part ways.

It's never easy cutting people out, but sometimes it's what you have to do in order to grow.

My Ode To Summer Time in the Town (PT. 1 I'm sure)

Ok judging by the fact that it's 2:38 am and I'm up, life is about to get a whole lot interesting. I'm calling this "My Ode To Summer Time in the Town", because as much as I hate Seattle at times Summer is, has been and always will be the best time of the year in the Town. Everyone is on vacation and home from school. Now that most of us are done with school, it is more than just summer, it's time for reunions and brinin the good times back. We can't stay young forever, but at least summer time in the Town lets us recount years gone by, friends past and present and relationships that once were that now either make us rant or laugh. It's about the sun bouncing off Lakes Washington and Union and the Puget Sound, as well as the beautiful and majestic Mt. Rainier. It's about "hood heros" comin back if only for short stints to let the "hood" know they haven't been forgotten. It's about forgetting the cold fall and winter months, if only for a short time to remember just how good the warm sun feels on the skin. For me though Summer Time in the Town is about reliving yesteryears and being thankful (and at times not so thankful) to have lived the life I've lived. It's only June 5 and summer has not "officially" begun, but in accordance to the texts, phone calls and pictures from the last 2 weeks...it has for me. So here's to Summer 09 in the Town...already shapping up to be better than 08 and hot damn...I'm single this year!

Budget Cuts Blow

I am 5 days away from earning my degree in Sport Management and 5 days from possibly being one of the last graduationg classes with a degree in Sport Management from Washington State University. In order to fill a budget deficit the University decided they needed to cut jobs and some educational programs...one being Sport Management. I haven't decided if people think the degree/program is a joke or if they honestly felt it was the only way to go in order to save money. What threat is a program that only has 5 professors, 1 part time advisor and 1 sectretary? I guess they figured that they had shafted to program long enough by not allowing them money to hire more teachers, which in turn lead to them forcing students to apply to be certified, leading to only students with 3.0 grade point averages needing to apply and only those with 3.3's and above actually getting admitted, usually only 10-15 a semester out of 170 + applicants. It is down right frustrating, saddening, depressing and all around unfair. Does the university not understand that WSU carries the only undergraduate/graduate accredited dual programs on the West Coast, the only undergrauduate program of it's kind that brings kids from all western states and the western part of Washington?
I fought, cried and sweated to get into the Sport Management program and I'm one of the lucky ones...and at this point...TRULY lucky ones. I have friends who didn't get into the program and know some kids that with the budget cuts won't even get the chance to be denied certification, because they are not certifiying any more students for the major. I am elated to be graduating, but it is with a heavy heart that I see the program that I love so dearly, that allowed my dream come true to be eliminated. Since high school I knew that I wanted a degree in sport management, not just communications, business or management, but I wanted the degree that hung on my wall to say Sport Management and now I'm just 5 days away from seeing those 6 words on a piece of paper that are the culmination of a lot of hardwork and dedication, "Bachelor of Arts in Sport Management".
The program is no joke. Any undergraduate program that requires a 3.0 to even apply to certify, plus experience in the field in you freshman and sophomore years is no joke. Any program that only allows 10-15 students in a semester is no joke. Any program that requires you to plan an event from beginning to end and put it on with risk management plans, contingency plans, sponsorships and the whole 9...is NO JOKE!
The Sport Management program at WSU has made me a better person and shown me just how smart I really am. It has brought be some of the best college friends a girl could ask for, amazing relationships with my professors and allowed one of my many life dreams to come true. The elimination of the program is simply the massacare of all those who weren't quite lucky enough to be born sooner...budget cuts blow!

I Don't Want to Miss It...

Lately I've been thinking a lot about where life will take me next. I am less than a month away from my college graduation and at a crossroad with so many important decisions to make. It is at this point that I really must look deep, because it really is time to grow up and get on with my life.
One thing I've given a great deal of thought to besides what I'm going to do with my life, is who will be there to share my life with me. I know obsessing about something so trivial isn't the right thing, but what if the obsession is one that just won't go away? What if you believe that the person you're meant to share you life with is someone God brought in? What if that person has changed your life unknowingly for the better?
I know who he is and it scares me. It scares me because he has been someone that has stood by me since the day he met me never once questioning me. He has listened to me, cried with me, laughed with me and become one of the greatest people I believe I will ever know.
It feels so right...the feeling I have about us, but I guess my mind won't let me really believe in it. More than what scares me about him is the thought of never knowing if it really is a deep as I feel it is. I guess there's only one way to find out...I gotta take that trip. I'd rather take the trip and be disappointed than not take it and spend my life wondering what if...it really could be just what I need and I'm not sure I could live with myself if I miss it.

Be the CHANGE you wish to see in the world

I am a hippie, a radical, an artist and a thinker in my own way. So many people see me as mainstream and shallow, but I see myself quite differently and those closest to me know that I am so much more than what is simply perceived.
It annoys me when people talk about sports not being important. Not just because I am a lover of sports, but because sports is one of them most diverse factions of life. It pisses me off even more when people do not see how sports has changed the world and how so much is left to be changed in the sports world. I majored in sport management, because I too want to make a difference. I want to help change the face of the front office of sports. I want to show that blacks don't have to be the Forty Million dollar slaves...they can be the ones creating opportunity, opening doors and changing the way that people view blacks in relation to sports.
Let us not forget that baseball was one of the first areas to become integrated thanks to Jackie Robinson and so many others, lets not forget the powerful image of United States athletes Tommie Smith and John Carlos holding their fists in the air as they received their metals for track and field in the 1968 Summer Olympic Games in Mexico City, in a sign of protest for Civil Rights in the United States, or how through the years athletes like Muhammed Ali have used their fame to fight against social injustices and issues facing blacks and people of all races alike.
So much is left to be done though, especially in the institutionalized framework of sports. African American coaches on all levels are still fighting for recognition, especially in Division 1-A college football and black athletes at colleges and universities around the country are still being failed and lead astray. Someone must be the voice and call out the injustices in sports.
It is these injustices that still need to be worked out that have caused me to take the path in life that I have chosen in order to make a difference. I love sports and believe that so much good comes from them, but so much is left to be done. It is why I have chosen to be the change I wish to see in sports.

The Friends that Turn into Family

I was blessed to be born into a wonderful family, but even more blessed for the family friends we have. Since I can remember my mom always stressed the importance of family and that there are people that may not be blood, but they too are family all the same. As I've gotten older and have began building my own life I have come to realize the importance and joy that friends that become family can be. When I met my friend Jason just over 2 years ago I never imagined he'd become one of my best friends and that his family would become some of my favorite people. It wasn't until this past Saturday that I had the chance to complete my new family, I finally got to meet the women closest to him...his mom and sister. I had met his brother on several occasions and even spent a great deal of time with him and I had the opportunity to meet his dad last year. When I met his mom and sister it was if my new family was complete. It was when his dad asked my brother and I to join their family in a celebration dinner of UW winning the Pac-10 Championship I knew I had completed a new family.
I love that I am creating my own extended family through friendships and I love and protect them just as if they were blood, nothing could make us closer. With our parting embraces and words Saturday night I knew in my heart that I would love the Pondexter's forever, just as if they were my own family!

I was made for this life

Sometimes I wonder why certain people are put into certain situations. Why we encounter those that we do along life's path. Why certain things happen to people. Why people are the way they are. This weekend I had the chance to reflect on some of those questions. Granted we along with God are the controllers of our destiny...I am intrigued at how sometimes people and situations just seem to fall into our laps.
I feel as if I was made for the life that I have chosen for myself, it's not always the most simple, the most glamorous, but none the less it is my life and I love it. I have access to people, places, things and information that few others have and that some would kill for. There are secrets that I have been forced to keep and things I have witnessed that I plan to take to my grave. It may not always be easy or fun, but I enjoy it. I was made for this. I have learned to put on many faces, get people to confide in me, and many times turn a blind eye to things. It is a challenging and at times tiring life, but I wouldn't trade it, the people or experiences for anything in the world. I look forward to retiring and writing my book so that I can share with you someday why I was made for this life.
It may not always be easy but I was made for this life!

I smile because I have you in my life

There is something about the way in which God works. He brings people into our lives for many different reasons, but those that he brings to teach us a lesson and make us smile are the ones worth remembering.

I talk about him often, write about him more and think of him everyday...my BA. The title of this blog is a true reflection of how I feel about him. I have never admired or loved someone as much as I do Brandon. I have my other guy friends and my bestfriend Jason, but there is something special and profoudly unique about the relationship that I share with BA. Anytime I feel happy or sad, have good news or bad I know that BA will listen and give me advice where needed. I may not see him often, but the love and respect we have for each other has created a bond that shines bright everytime we are reunited by a special phone call. Some how he always knows when I need to hear from him, today was no exception. Sometimes in the midst of our busy lives we forget just how amazing we are until we are reminded by someone who has always seen it within us.

BA has always seen the good in me and the best I have to give from the day we met, he has never let me back down and in his own way has challenged me to find the special woman I am. I love him more than he will ever know and I am truly blessed beyond words to have someone like him in my corner. Life is so much better and worth living every day for because I can always smile knowing that BA is in my life.

Do I think I missed out?

I've gotten this question a lot lately in relation to deciding to leave Howard after my first semester and was reminded of it thanks to facebook and the friends from Howard that I have via facebook. So question: Do I think I missed out on anything by not finishing college at Howard. Answer: Absolutely not. I feel like the things that happened to me in the first sememster taught me a lot and made me a better and stronger person. It was at Howard that for the first time in my life I had ALL black friends. Never in my life had I hung out with only black girls and actually enjoyed it. I was fortunate to have found a group of girls that I meshed quite nicely with. Although there are times I miss DC and the people I met and the things I expereinced I wouldn't change my decision to leave. I am thankful that I had the opportunity to expereince the other coast and the black college experience if only for a semester, but the things I experienced at a Division 1 Pac-10 university are way more me. At WSU I was able to major in Sport Management and minor in Communications (one of the best com schools in the country), I met amazing people, especially T, Megan, Katie, Rachel, Ashley, Jerome, Amanda, Mandy, the lady hoopers, the men hoopers and the football players that I wouldn't trade for the world. I got to expereince our men's basketball team going to the NCAA tournament back to back times, including a sweet 16 appearance. I got to watch USC and UCLA up close...including shouting to Josh Shipp that he is the sexiest man in the Pac-10. I got to work in a big time university athletic department, I got to walk to bars and parties...wasted most of the time, I made trips to Idaho (a state I thought I'd never set foot in), I got to come home for all major breaks (I didn't get to come home for Thanksgiving my first year of college). WSU brought pleanty of great friends and memories.

In short both Howard and WSU have made me into the person I am. I think that had it not been for Howard I would have never really gotten the chance to have a group of black girlfriends, see REAL step shows, expereince the Ques at their best, explore DC, Maryland and VA, spend hours shopping at Pentagon City, Union Square, PG Plaza or Adams Morgan and I would have never had a lesbian roommate or spent 6 hours in a hospital due to several girls getting alcohol poisioning at my first Que party. At WSU though I got to experience a "college town", develop a love for country music, play beer pong (not very well), play flip cup, drink til I passed out, dance in cages, walk to 95% of the parties I went to, met my soulmate in many ways (T!), sleep outside for HOURS with friends and strangers to grab the best seats for Cougar baketball, sneak liquor into the stadium for every Cougar Football game, taken half the OSU basketball team out and return 3 players to their hotel at 7 the next morning, being a sport management major, develop a tolerance for cheap beer (Busch light), learn to drink like a fish, being seen on TV (thanks to all my hours spent outside to grab front row for basketball games), I could go on forever!

I grew up a Husky (UW), spent a short time as a Bison (HU-Howard), but ened up a forever proud Coug (WSU)

Exhaling Thoughts

I have always believed that writing is one of lifes most profound arts. The art of writing is like exhaling thoughts on to paper or in todays world exhaling thoughts through keys onto a screen. I just found a notebook I kept about 4 years ago that took me back. I found somethings that I wrote that reminded me how much I love the art. I need to get on writing again more to just release thoughts...that is why I started this blog. I need to to find the time again to really get out what it is that I am thinking and feeling. In looking back I have some pretty profound thoughts if I do say so myself.

As a slight detour...or perhaps glimps into what I may write about next. I am truly in love with the person I am. I may not live my life the way others want, I may have my days where I get down on myself, but once I get through all of that I relize I'm a pretty sick (in a good way) individual. I may not have someone special to share my wonderfulness, but I know it and the people I surround myself with know it and for now that is enough to satisfy me.

Simply...Exhaling thoughts...

What happened to all the male R&B groups...

I was on my way to work today listening to my ipod as usual on my bus ride to and from work and all the great hits from Dru Hill, 112 and Jagged Edge seemed to play this morning on the shuffle. It made for a pleasent ride, but also got me thinking...where have all teh male r&b groups gone. So techinically Jagged Edge is still around and we have Day 26 (I'm a fan), but male r&b groups just aren't the same. What happened? I mean there was New Edition, Mint Condition, Jodeci, Dru Hill, 112 and so many more amazing male r&b groups in the lat 1980's and early 90's, but they have all disappeared. I understand people change and things change, but good music should never change. The next generation needs to stop bein greedy and start makin good music. I really do miss the good ol days and I'm happy that I'm old enough to remeber them. I guess I'll just have to keep the ipod and itunes full of the oldies, but always goodies!

P.S. As for my last post...things are starting to look up and I'm happy to report that the person who hurt me has since appologized and we have agreed to try and work things out...we both deserve it.

Bruised but not broken

I woke up this morning annoyed, pissed, depressed, down on myself and all around irritated. I cried, prayed and wanted to scream. I thought about getting even, I even comptimplated my existence. Then it hit me...it's not my problem. It's not my fault that people do terrible things to others, but it is your fault if you continue to sit around ignore the issue and let the disrespect continue. You can either let what those do to you destroy you and create anger or you can choose to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and believe with every fiber of your being that there was nothing you could have done differently. Far too often we replay things over and over wondering what we could have done differently only to realize we never did anything in the first place. Why people do things we will never understand. Why we hurt each other and those that care for us most...we will never know. It is important however to remember the ugly actions of others are never a reflection of us.
I am left sadden, slightly dazed and oh so confused, but I am being mindful that prayer and faith will bring me through just as it has so many times before. Although I may have lost in a sense and feel defeated I really won. I didn't cuss, fight or in any other way disrespect myself and for that I can't help but smile.
This too shall pass and more importantly...that which doesn't kill me only makes me stronger and wiser.

Before it happens....

I always find myself in the darndest predicaments and this time is no different. This is somewhat of a follow up to my last post. So I hung out with Mr. Wonderful Saturday night. It was a great time. No complaints at all. He held my hand when we were at Safeway, he took me to his place and he made sure I got home safely. However I'm still skeptical as hell. He seems to perfect, something is missing. I'm more scared for him to be perfect than to find out that he isn't. So that leaves me where I am right now. Do I stick around and wait for him to break my heart into a million pieces or do I bail before I get into deep? Now I know what they say...in order to find love you have to be willing to get hurt. Well I'm sick of being hurt and I'm not sure I could go through that with this one since I really like him and think so much of him. I mean I'm already waiting for him to screw up just like everyother guy which I know is so wrong, but I can't help but to think that because he is so perfect there is something really wrong that I'm going to find out too late. I wish liking people wasn't so complicated and that if you like someone they just like you back. Oh if it could all be so simple!

Too good to be true????

I have always wondered if somethings really are too good to be true. Most of the time they have proven to be too good and so untrue. However, with the new year in full swing I'm feeling as if this new year brings with it a new twist on things being too good to be true. Lastnight I met quite the interesting gentleman in the most unusual way. He attended the basketball game I was working at with his friend that is my aunt's assistant at work. My aunt met him before they arrived at the game and being the WONDERFUL aunt she is asked if he was single and turns out he was and she said you need to meet my niece...good lookin out. The man is beautiful so my type. I'm excited to see what happens, but also keeping my guard up and not getting my hopes up. However he's already passed a major test in meeting my aunt, dealing with her crazy antics and still wanting to persue something with me. I'm very intrigued and even a bit optimistic. Tomorrow we plan to hangout...who knows. Could this be the end all (at least for now) or is he just another guy that is too good to be true????

As I begin 2009...

We are now 4 days into 2009 and I'm really hoping that this year will bring definition and clarity to my life. As I've grown over the years I've come to realize that you cannot please everyone and the only person you have to please is yourself. I'm done living for everyone else...I'm ready to live for me. I'm going to start doing all the things I never thought I had time for and stop neglecting those that mean the most to me. I'm starting by taking my first trip to Vegas at the end of the month with my cousin/Godsister for her 30th birthday. After that I'm planning to go to LA and then Orlando. I'm also hoping I find time to take a trip down to Portland to visit two very good friends.

I know that 2009 will have it's ups and downs just like any other year (it just wouldn't be life), but I'm also hoping that I can continue to find the strength to put myself first.

I'm looking forward to beginning my first big kid internship tomorrow and beginning a new chapter of my life along with it.